


How Love Can Destroy And Rebuild Everything

by caaaaastiel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Priest!AU, prostitute!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-22
Updated: 2014-03-22
Packaged: 2018-01-16 14:37:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1351084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caaaaastiel/pseuds/caaaaastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk is a prostitute wanting to quit his terrible life, while Jake is a priest who just wants to help people. Ff link will be added later when my co-writer posts it. Also, it's not as terrible as it sounds, trust me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry, it will be updated every day, as we are just about done writing. (:
> 
> UPDATE: We are 100% done and are working on something else for you guys! My friend's tumbr url is angle-of-the-ltd and mine is madeoftimeinthetardis so check out our blogs of you want.

It's nearing noon as the young man enters a church. He brushes back his blonde hair with a rough hand, a hand holding many secrets. He strides to the confession stand, staring in admiration at the stained glass windows.

The blond stands outside of the seemingly empty confessions box, shifting from one foot to the other. He grabs a hold of the small handle that opens into the box and pulls it open. Stepping inside, the door swings shut behind him. Thoughts played in his mind, he did not know where to start. Pressing a palm against his leg, he begins.

"Hey, father. So, I'll begin with a plain fact. What I do for a living? Not something I'm proud of. But I can't stop because it's all I know." He drops his head to his hands, staring for a moment at the black shoes of the priest behind the velvet curtain. He says the next statement in a whisper. "Every night, I commit adultery. Every night, I get paid to let someone fuck me, excuse my language, sir. I can't keep living this way." His voice breaks as he says the last sentence.

The priest stayed silent behind the curtain, the only sounds where the young man's breathes. He felt like he was about to cry, but Striders didn't cry, so he dug his nails into his arms. Weren't the priests supposed to talk? Didn't you confess and then they punish you? After regaining his composure, he straighten his back. "I don't know how to change."

After a large intake of breath, he hears a voice almost younger than his own say "You can believe in the lord." The priest has a warm voice that shocked the young man to his very core. He immediately knew what had to be said next, damn the consequences. He had already confessed to breaking one of the ten commandments daily.

"Father," he says, "if this matters to the lord, the people I adulterize every night are men." He did not know what else to say. He wanted to be punished, he wanted them to punish him for living this way. Maybe if he said the right things then they would, maybe. He heard the priest shifting on the other side as though he was about to speak.

"Child," the other man says, "it is my belief that the lord does not discriminate. So if you prefer men to women, god will love you just the same." There is a slightly awkward pause. His mind is racing. He can't believe that god does not care about sexuality, but he dares not to jinx himself. After some thought, the priest says "The only way the lord can help to change your life is if you help him. Be the person that you want to be to the lord."

Surprisingly, the priest says "Show me your hands, boy." So he puts his hands through the curtain. carefully, trying not to jerk anything. He feels a set of warm soft hands prod his own. "You have great, strong hands. You should use them for good." The blond is puzzled. Weren't the priests supposed to tell you how you were bound for hell?

"Do you mean like farming," he asked. "Because I will tell you right now, I am not a farmer." The priest released his hands. The only sounds in the church were the steady breaths of the Strider and the buzz of his thoughts. Was he or was he not going to hell? Maybe that's what the priest was implying when he said he had strong hands. Maybe he was saying that he would be doing work for Satan in hell. He sighed. His imagination was getting the best of him.

"I am not going to tell you what to do. I am just going to tell you facts, let you put them together, and let the Lord decide what is best for you." With that, the blond man sits for only a few more moments before rising.

He exits the small black box, still thinking of what the priest said. He had to let the lord decide. Going over all possibilities, he found that prayer was probably the best path to go. Kneeling down onto a pew he began his pray for guidance.

"Father, forgive me for my sins. I have no idea how to fix them, but I hope to outweigh them with good. So I have to ask of you: what good can ever replace the sins I have committed." He laughs lightly, a broken laugh that hurt just a little bit for him to hear. "I am so fucking screwed. I am a gay prostitute, for crying out loud. So..." He has to stop taking for a small sob to leave his throat. "What do I do?"

He didn't know what to expect, but the deafening silence that followed was not it. It seemed that even the shadows were judging him. He stood quickly, nobody was around to see or hear, but it felt like everybody was staring. Everybody was telling him how awful he was and how much he was sinning but nobody was offering help, it's as though they enjoyed watching him struggle.

He left the church quickly, straightening his pants nervously. He realized that he was still in his "work clothes" and at that point, he snaps. The blond man sits down on a bench outside of the church and takes off his pointed anime sunglasses, rubbing his strange orange colored eyes. Regaining composure, he places his shades on his face again and rises. And then he begins to laugh. The brittle, bitter sound makes him laugh even harder. A church, he thinks, in this city. What idiot…

A dark shadow above him interrupts his train of thought. He looks up slowly. Above him, he sees a priest. He takes in a deep breath slowly, apologizing to God already for the sin he wanted to commit. The priest was young, younger than himself, in fact, with pitch black styled hair and practically glowing green eyes. His deep tan suggested that he was Native, but his accent spoke otherwise. “Hello. I couldn’t help but hear your prayer, you know?” The man’s lungs burn for a moment at what he had said, and at what the priest now knew.

“Sir,” he says, “I believe I can explain if you are angry at me--”

“I am not angry,” the priest says in a level voice. “But I would like you to come to mass tomorrow.”

For a moment, the blond man says nothing. Then, in a shaky voice, he says “My real name is Dirk Strider. No one calls me that anymore.”

The priest chuckles a little, then grasps Dirk’s hand. “My name is Father Jake English.” Dirk shook the his hand almost hesitantly. “Will I see you in mass tomorrow?”

“Yes,” Dirk says with a nod. Father Jake smiled and patted his shoulder before turning and going back into the chapel. Dirk turned around and started on his way home. He was going to church in the morning, what had he agreed to?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I know that Jake isn't in character but that will be explained.

Dirk Strider wakes up the next morning with a large headache. He glances over at his alarm clock with a loud groan. Seeing that the time was 8:25, he pulls his pillow over his head with all intentions of going back to sleep. Then he remembers his promise to Jake. No, he scolds himself, Father Jake.

He takes a shower quickly, letting steaming hot water cleanse his skin of whatever remained from the last time he went to “work”. He then gets dressed, taking time to find nice clothes so as not to look like a hooker. He decides on a white dress shirt with an orange design on it, and a simple pair of black slacks. He takes the time to slick back his hair neatly before closing the look with his signature anime shades. Although they represented his work, they were a family heirloom, so he always wore them no matter what.

He walked out of his stuffy Dallas apartment to the small catholic church about two blocks away. As he walked in, the bell rang loudly, signaling that mass was about to start. He hurriedly takes a seat in the very back row of the pews. And it begins.

The mass starts with an introduction, and he perks up a little when he hears Father Jake’s name. A organ much too loud and slightly out of tune begins playing and the congregation sings while the father and the alter boys walk down the aisle. Dirk’s breath catches as he sees Father Jake, clad in violet to represent the fourth week of the advent season.

Dirk suddenly remembers why everything is green and red…. Christmas is next Saturday. He sighs lightly, knowing that the only people that would give him a present was his boss. The same thing every year: 50 bucks and slap on the ass. He also knew that people were especially... lonely on Christmas, and he would likely have to work overtime. 

He does not know when exactly the singing stops but at Father Jake speaking, he lifts his head off of his hands. He listens intently at the beginning prayers, but zones out slightly during the first and second readings. Dirk finds himself standing for the gospel hymn, and pays close attention to the gospel reading. He stops paying attention to the mass altogether during the weird pre-liturgy chants and prayers, only kneeling and standing when need be. During the Our Father, he stuck his hands in his pockets and loosely mumbled the words, smirking as an old woman eyeballs him. He shakes only the hand of a three-year-old girl, who had extended it to him, smiling toothily. Dirk really was a sucker for kids.

He blatantly ignored the rest of the mass, kneeling until Father Jake is once again seated. He rises with the congregation, anxious for it to be over. Finally, the ending hymn is finished and Dirk leaves the inner sanctum. Unfortunately, he can’t get out fast enough due to the large crowds all trying to leave at once. He is shoved roughly in the main hall, and lands dead center into another man’s arms. “My apologies, sir,” he says, looking up at who else but Father Jake.

He immediately flushes a deep scarlet, stammering as he disentangles himself from the priest. Straightening his shirt, he makes his way to leave, but Father Jake grabs his arm. “I am glad that you could make it, Dirk! Golly,” he continues, Dirk already both cringing and awwing at the silly word, “I didn’t know if you would even come!”

“Heh yeah,” Dirk said, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot. If it wasn’t enough that he was still in the church, he was talking to this enticing priest.

“Did you enjoy the service,” Father Jake asks, not seeming to notice the others unease.

“Yes, it was interesting,” lying came almost too easily for him at this point. As the hordes of people began to slowly decrease in numbers, the Strider became far more comfortable.

“The word of God can have that effect on people,” Father Jake says nodding. “I hope to see you here again.” The way he says it, with no implications other than wanting to see him at church again, almost make Dirk want to cry. How long had it been since somebody had actually spoken to him like this? It seemed like ages.

“I hope to come here again,” the blond says in a smooth voice. “I have to go and…” he pauses, “get to work,” he mutters the words with much distaste and looks down at the ground. He doesn’t have to be looking at the priest to see the frown that would crease his almost childlike face.

He leaves the church quickly, not looking at the Father again on his way out. He goes quickly back to his apartment to change into his “work clothes”. After having set them on the bed to change into them, Dirk just stares at them. He can’t help but think of what Father Jake would say if he saw what he was about to put on, what he was about to do. Sighing he reached his hand out to grab the clothes, he had to pay rent somehow and this was all that he could do. 

After quickly changing, the blond slips his shades over his strangely colored eyes and goes for the long walk to work. He walked down the steps, pushes open the door, steps down onto the sidewalk, begins to walk, ignores the pointed glares, stops for cars, dodges people. All of these seemed so normal on a normal day now took huge amounts of effort and thought 

He could call in sick, but his boss would probably chew him out and he wasn’t in the mood for that today. There was nothing he could do about it now, but someday he wasn’t going to go this route to work everyday. He wasn’t going to hate himself at the end of everyday. This was going to end. Someday, but not today.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter three! It's really short, but for some reason all our chapters are short :/  
> Let us know if you like it!

When he walks to his normal position, he plasters on a flirtatious smile. It doesn’t take long for a man to find him, and they quickly go back to his house. Dirk hates the way that he has to act around the men he works for. It’s over soon, though, and he takes his money back to his “boss” who tells him “Good job, D,” and goes back to scheduling and counting money.

Dirk goes back, knowing that his shift wouldn’t be over for another 6 hours. He stands there, wearing a tight black and orange tank top that exposed some skin on his stomach, and a pair of black sparkly skinny jeans. He knows that he would be there a while since he seemed to be fairly popular. 

So of course, who would walk by him but Father Jake. Dirk groans internally and tries to turn away from the priest, whom he wouldn’t have recognized if not for his hair and eyes. Naturally, the father walks right up to him, with a big “Hello, Dirk!” and a toothy smile that he can’t help but find cute.

Dirk smiles shyly, pulling down his shirt. “Hello, Father.” He looks around, knowing what he would see. The bad neighborhood. Full of strippers and hookers and gambling casinos and lustful couples. He drops his head for a moment before asking “What are you doing here, sir?”

Jake laughs and gestures around him. “As a priest, it is my duty to dispel such sins as these.”

The Strider chuckles nervously, before quickly putting his head down once again as he sees a regular walking towards him. He almost smacks his head; he forgot about the guy at 2 every Sunday. “Well, Father, if you would excuse me, I have some business to attend to--”

Father Jake grabs his arm. “Mr. Strider…” He releases his arm, sighing.

“Is there something you want, sir?”

There is a moment of silence, until the priest says “Nothing, Dirk. I won’t interfere with your work.”

Without thinking, the blond says “What if I want you to?” Dammit, he curses himself. He knows you like him now. You’re such a fuck up.

Father Jake rubs a sturdy hand over his face, taking a deep breath before he speaks. “I-- I can’t-- Dirk, I’m a fu--” He stops, closing his eyes for moment. “Go on then.”

Dirk scampers away, letting his regular lead him away with a both sinking and elated feeling in his stomach.

He’s a priest, he tells himself, but somehow, that didn’t matter anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH SMUT ABOUT HALFWAY THROUGH STOP READING AND JUST GO TO THE NEXT CHAPTER; YOU WON'T MISS ANYTHING I PROMISE

When Dirk’s shift is finally over, he ends up going to a bar, somewhere he hadn’t been since he came out to his family. He remembers all of how it happened.

Dirk had just turned 25, and he still lived with his family because he promised his bro that he wouldn’t move out until they both could leave together. That night, a friday, he had brought a boy home. His mom had walked in on them kissing, half naked. He was forced to tell them at that point. 

That night he left with his only regret being that he couldn’t say goodbye to his bro.

Not wanting to think about that anymore, he takes a seat on a stool and orders a shot. He drinks it and several more speedily, slowly becoming more relaxed. “Hey,” he says to the blonde woman next to him. “You look familiar.”

She scoffs, tugging on her purple and black scarf. “That’s what they all say. But…” She looks at him closer. “You’re familiar.” She giggles, shifting closer to him.

“I’m gay,” he say in an almost humorous blatant tone of voice.

She laughs again. “I am too! But I actually think I do know you, too.” Her eyes widen for a moment. “You’re not related to Dave, are you?”

“Oh,” Dirk says. “Yeah, he’s my brother.”

“I remember you now!” She chuckles. “Dirk Strider, who ran away from home after he came out.” She sobers up momentarily. “Dave never forgave you for that. He--” she hiccups, holding her mouth for a moment before continuing. “He misses you.”

Why did she know this? “Who are you?” he asks.

“Rose Lalonde, your cousin.” 

That’s when he remembers her. “You’re Roxy’s little sister.”

“Indeed! She might as well have been my mother, though. I mean, she practically raised me after our parents died.”

He looks in her orchid eyes, feeling remorse. “Why are you here, Rose?”

She chuckles. “Nerves. I’m supposed to go on a date…” She checks her watch. “Soon.”

He’s angry now that the younger Lalonde had adopted Roxy’s habits when Roxy had just stopped. “You want to be plastered when you meet him?”

Here, she stops and looks down. “First of all, her. Second…” she trails off as a tall woman clad in a red dress with elbow high gloves strides in. Her eyes become lustful as she stands and attempts to walk over to her. “Kanaya,” she says happily, looking up at the woman who presumably was Kanaya.

The dark haired woman just looks startled for a moment, then begins to lead the shorter woman outside.

Dirk sighs and drinks another shot. “My entire family is screwed to hell,” he mutters under his breath, getting another drink. 

About half an hour later, Dirk was walking, or rather stumbling, around the bar, talking to people. He did this more often than he would like to admit, getting super drunk then waking up the next morning with no memory of where he was and, more often than not, in another man’s bed. He stumbled up the the bar and ordered another drink.

The Strider giggled as the guy that he just hooked up with guided him down the street. He clutched to his arm so as not to fall flat on his face. Giggling again, he started trailing kisses down the other man’s jaw and neck. 

They continued walking for a little while longer before bumping into somebody. Dirk, still giggling, cheeks slightly flushed from intoxication, looked up to see who they had bumped into. He met the eyes of, none other than Father Jake. He giggled upon seeing the priest. “Hey, father,” he says in slurred voice.

A look crosses the priest’s face that the blond is too drunk to see. “Dirk, what are you--”

“Hey,” the man he’s with interrupts. “If you’ve got a problem, padre, you can hit the road. We’re busy here.”

Father Jake stares for a moment, then shoves the man aside, grabbing Dirk by his elbow away from the area. "What were you bloody thinking?" the priest asks angrily.

Dirk shrugs, licking his lips and looking up lustfully at the father. "I was lonely, you know?" He giggles, almost falling but catching himself on Father Jake's arm.

"You can't just--" he stops, then takes Dirk's hand, tugging him towards the church.

"Where are we goin padre?" Dirk asks with delight as they enter the building.

Father Jake says nothing, just leads him to a pew in the first row and slams him into it. "You should thank the lord for me, Dirk. You almost sinned."

Dirk laughs in a high pitched unnatural voice. "I sin every fucking day, father. Isn't being gay bad enough but no no I fuck people for a living." He finds this funny and clutches his sides while his laughter subsides into sobs. "I can't fucking do anything else, you know?" He sniffles, then whispers "I'm a goddamn fuck up. God must hate me."

Father Jake thinks for a moment, a pained look crossing his face as he says this. "Then He must hate everyone."

Dirk looks affronted. "Why would you say that?"

"Everyone sins, Dirk." He smiles gently.

"But not you, right?" Dirk looks up from where he was kneeling, knowing what he needs to hear. "Because I can think of a couple ways you could sin right now." His heart is pounding as he says that last sentence.

Father Jake intakes a breath sharply. "Dirk, I can't--"

"Everyone. Sins," Dirk says slowly, in a gruff, sexy voice.

Jake immediately kneels right next to the blond, caressing his cheek. "Dirk--" He is interrupted by a kiss. The fast, sloppy kiss of a drunk man. Jake breaks away, staring, his pretty green eyes in shock. "We're in a house of God! We can't--"

"Where's your bedroom?" Dirk interjects in an urgent, needy voice.

The priest mutters something that sounded suspiciously like "fuck it" and gently grasped the Strider's hand. "This way."

Dirk is led to a small room containing simply a twin sized bed, nightstand, and lamp. "Kinda small, huh?" Dirk winks, giggling again.

Closing the door, Jake scoffs at the drunken blond man. "Are you sure about this, Dirk?"

"Hell yeah." The Strider giggles once more, trying to take off his shirt.

"Let me help you, then." The father tugs off the other man's shirt, throwing on the ground. He pulls the blond in for another kiss. "I didn't know you were so fit," he murmurs against Dirk's lips.

 

Dirk messily takes off Jake's shirt, running the flat of his palms up and down the priest's stomach, occasionally stroking the hem of his slacks.

Jake growls sexily, cupping Dirk's face as his tongue darts in the blonde's mouth. Dirk undoes his pants button and zipper, letting them slide to the floor as he attempts to step out of them.

"Allow me." Dirk is lifted off the ground, then placed delicately on the bed. Dirk's fingers claw at the other man's belt. Finally succeeding in undoing them, he pushes the black fabric out of the way and pulls down Jake's boxers.

Dirk begins rubbing around Jake's cock, his tongue hanging out slightly as he looks up at Jake. He then proceeds to remove his own undergarments, then suddenly pulls Jake down on top of him, grinning wildly. In retaliation, Jake takes off Dirk's shades in a swift motion, but places them softly on the nightstand. Turning back towards Dirk, Jake looks at his eyes with interest. "Orange?"

Dirk blushes. "Yeah, my family has some weird genetics. My bro--" he stops for a moment. "His eyes were red."

"I like them." Jake smiles goofily, and Dirk's heart flutters. 

Dirk looks away for a minute, remembering his brother in a drunken haze. He grabs Jake's arm now, beginning to rant. "I broke a promise to him. I can't--" He stops.

Jake nods, understanding. "Dirk, we don't have to--"

"I want to." Dirk looks up at the man lying across him with a determined expression, then begins grinding into him, invoking a deep moan from the other man.

Moving his hands, he quickly coats himself in lubricant, then he braces one beside Dirk's head and the other he uses to grab the Strider's ass. He slowly inserts a finger, then two, pumping into it with more hurried movements. Dirk pants, his eyelids fluttering then widening as Jake adds another finger.

Jake takes this hand and places it parallel to his other one, then slowly inserts his hard on into Dirk. The blond sucks in his breath through his teeth, clutching the pillow for support. Then Jake begins to thrust slowly, trying not to cause any pain. When he hits a spot that makes Dirk moan loudly, he begins going faster, causing quick loud groans to come from the blond.

"Jake I'm not going to--" he stops attempting to talk as Jake grabs the Strider's own boner and begins to stroke it, all while steadily pushing into the blond. "Jake--"

Dirk tilts his head back, letting out a final moan as his stomach and Jake's hand become covered in the silky white substance. Almost simultaneously, Jake releases into Dirk, and they moan together as Jake finally removes himself from the Strider.

They fall asleep tangled in the thin sheets, holding each other the way they both had craved all their lives without knowing it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok in my opinion this chapter kinda sucked but it's important so oh well

Dirk wakes up not knowing where he is. Glancing over at Jake, he gasps and remembers the previous bits night. When he rises from the bed, he stirs Jake, who's emerald eyes instantly make Dirk feel just a little better.

"Dirk?" Jake asks, getting up as well. "I'm..." He looks at his wristwatch. "I have a mass tonight." He puts his hand on his forehead, looking slightly stricken. "When I was a kid, I loved adventure. I was always looking for it, you know? One day, I got my little sister hurt real bad. She was only 3 and--" He stops talking for a minute. "She has narcolepsy now. So they sent me to a catholic reformatory school. I thought that they wanted me to become a priest so." He laughs sarcastically, then gestures around him. Softly, he whispers, "My sister thinks I'm dead."

Dirk says nothing, only placing a comforting hand on Jake’s shoulder. Jake tenses slightly, but doesn’t move his hand away. The words he wants to say don’t seem right for the situation and the words that seem right elude him. 

“I suppose that it’s better that way,” Jake says in a choked voice. His eyes staring off into nothing, lost in a far away memory. The door opens seemingly out of nowhere snapping Jake back to the present. There is a gasp and Dirk looks over to see a man in an alm staring at them with disgust in his eyes. 

“Father Jake!” The man yells. “This is sinful! This is the devil’s work!” Jake quickly grabs his clothes and puts them on. Dirk watches not sure what to do because he was the reason Father Jake was in this situation. 

“Brother-” Jake starts but is cut off by the other.

“Do not call me that,” the other man says taking a step back. “You are no longer welcome here, take your things and leave.”

“Of course,” He says dropping his eyes to the ground and turning to collect the few things that he has. The other man stands watching for a moment before turning and leaving, stopping only to say "I am so disappointed in you. How could you sink so low?" then walking away eagerly. Dirk stands, putting on his “work” clothes, seeing as they are the only clothes that he has.

“I am sorry,” he says to the distraught man standing staring down at his few things. 

“I have nowhere to go and will most likely not be welcomed anywhere,” he looks lost. Dirk knows what he should say, but not here, not in a Catholic church. The Strider nods quickly writes something on a scrap of paper. Before he leaves he presses it into Jake’s hand.

Dirk goes back to his apartment to change into different clothes, today was the day. The day that he no longer lived a life that he hated. Putting on normal clothes, he went out and started the long trek to his “work”. Every move he made, the same yet different.

When he arrived, he opened the door to his bosses office. Big surprise when he found his boss sitting with hardly any clothes on smoking. Clearing his throat, the Strider steps further into the room.

Looking up his boss gives a wicked smile before saying, “D! What can I do for you?” Dirk looks at his boss level in the eye. This man has been making his life a living hell for the past years and here he was, about to ratify that. 

“You can start by not calling me ‘D’,” he says calmly. “I will no longer be in your employ, so I would like to not have a name that reminds me of this.” Staring at him in shock his boss slowly opens his mouth as if to speak but closes it again. 

“What are you saying,” his boss finally says darkly. “You’re quitting? Ha! I picked you up off the streets! You would be dead if not for me!”

“I don’t need your help,” Dirk spits the last word and turns to leave. 

“IF I SEE YOUR FACE IN HERE AGAIN I WILL PERSONALLY SKIN YOU!” his boss yells after him.

Dirk Strider leaves his work after 5 years with a new spring in his step.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason I think this chapter is really long????

At exactly 2:00 pm the next day, Dirk is waiting in a seemingly abandoned house in the red light district. Although he had been here enough times to know that it was far from empty. The Strider shifted uncomfortably as he waited to see if the other would show up. He didn’t even know if he had looked at the note, but it was worth a shot.

Dirk runs a hand down his pant leg as he hears a bang coming from somewhere in the house. He hated this place, but it was the only neutral ground that he could think of. Soon enough he sees a figure emerge hesitantly from the darkness shrouding the corners of the house. 

Standing, Dirk walks over to greet the figure.

“You came,” he said, it was more of a question than a statement. He had honestly not expected him to come. 

“I had nowhere else to go,” the accented voice says. It no longer seems to be sad but rather disappointed. Dirk grasps the other man’s hand and leads him out of the house. 

“I’m sorry that this is the place that I asked you to come to,” the blond says quickly, “no other place seemed… indifferent enough.”

“Indifferent,” Jake echos. He shakes his head as if he is trying to clear a thought before speaking again, “It is fine.” Dirk starts the short walk back to his small apartment with Jake close behind, their fingers still clasped together.

“Are you going to be okay,” he asks after a while of silence. There is a sigh behind him before a response.

“Yes,” Jake’s voice sounded certain. “Yes I will be fine.”

Soon enough, they are standing outside of the blond’s apartment as he turns the key in the lock. When they walk in, Dirk shuts the door and leans heavily against it.

“Fuck,” he muttered quietly. The other watched him curiously.

“Is something the matter?” he asks.

“Yeah, rent.” He opens his eyes and walks over to a door on the other side of the small living room. “Neither of us have a job meaning neither of us have money for rent.” Jake’s eyes widen as he comprehends what the other is saying. Suddenly Dirk straightens up and goes to the small phone in the corner.

“What are you doing?” Jake asks going to his side.

“I have to make a call,” is all he says before he begins dialing. Pressing the phone to his ear, it ringing maybe 5 times before somebody finally answers.

“Hello?” A female voice on the other side says.

“Roxy?” Dirk asks.

“Dirk!” The voice, Roxy, sounds both shocked and relieved. “Wait, you never call. Is something wrong? Who died!”

Chuckling a bit he says, “Nobody died, but I do have a little bit of a problem.”

“Have you tried calling your brother, what’s that mini you’s name? Dark? Drave?” she sounds so sincere that it makes Dirk feel bad that he can’t talk to his brother.

“No, I haven’t spoken with him and I do not plan to.”

“I know you two had, like, a falling out or something when you left, but he is still your family. He can help you, too.”

“No he can’t and I would prefer not to talk about it if you don’t mind.”

“How long has it been since you have spoken to him? Five years? Four years? I’m just saying th-”

“Roxy,” he snaps, “if I had wanted a counseling session I would have called Rose.”

She sighs, “All I’m saying is he misses you and, even though you won’t actually say it, I can tell you miss him to.”

“This isn’t what I called about!” he practically yells into the phone causing Jake to jump.

“What did you need then?” 

“A place to stay,” he says almost sheepishly.

“Don’t you have an apartment?”

“Yeah but I quit my job yesterday and have no way to pay rent.”

“You quit?”

“Yes I just said that.”

“Oh thank God!”

“Can I stay with you or not?” he asked starting to get slightly annoyed.

“Sure.”

“Is there enough room for two?” 

“Two?” Now she sounds curious, that can’t be good. Even if she wasn’t AS nosey as her little sister, they were sisters for a reason.

“Yes, two.”

“Who is the other person?”

“Roxy, can we discuss this later?”

She groans before agreeing. They consent to a time that they will be over that her house and then say their goodbyes. Dirk hangs up and turns back to Jake. 

“We have a place to stay,” he says. “Although, you may find the people to be a bit… overbearing.”

“Overbearing? How so?” Jake asks.

“It’s hard to explain without digging up the past, and I don’t want to relive the past,” Dirk says with a shrug. Jake nods squeezing the others hand in a comforting way. Dirk smiles at the other man slightly and then glances at the clock. 4:00. “Do you want dinner?” Dirk asks.

“Sure,” Jake says. After ordering a pizza with the last of their money, they sit down across from each other to eat. Sure their lives were falling apart, but they had company and food, they had a place to go and a place to be. But, the most important thing that they had was each other and as long as they had that, then nothing seemed quite as bad as it really was. 

Of course, they thought that before they got to Roxy's house. "Come on in!" Roxy says, gesturing inside the house. Dirk looks at the terrible mess, mildly impressed by the fact that he couldn't see the floor, then glanced over at Jake and tried but failed not to laugh at his appalled expression.

Running up to him, Roxy asks “What’s your name?” Then gives him a friendly smile.

“Jake English,” he whispers, shooting Dirk a glance. The Strider immediately understands, and lays a hand on the other man’s arm.

“Wait a minute…” Roxy says. “You’re not the…” Her pink eyes widen a little bit, and her mouth open slightly. Turning to Dirk, she whispers “You…”

No one says anything for a good minute. Roxy breaks the silence by saying "Down the hall, there's two bedrooms to the left, if you'll be needing two."

Dirk tugs lightly on Jake's arm, leading him down until they came to a stop in front of a door. "Do you want your own room?" he asks hopefully.

"No, it's fine," Jake says quietly. Dirk shoots a worried glance at his partner. They place their little belongings neatly in the corner, then sit down on the bed. 

Not being able to stand it any longer, Dirk feels that he must speak. "Jake I'm sorry I got you fired it was all my fault and if you wanted to leave me or--" He is interrupted by a kiss from Jake.

"Dirk," he says gently, "it's not your fault." He chuckles a little. "I was a terrible priest anyway. God, I just got out of school too. I'm only 24." He smiles sadly, then stares at his hands.

The Strider puts his arm around the around the former priest, laying his head on his shoulder. 

They do nothing for the next couple hours, just sit, happy with the other's company. 

Later that night, Dirk wakes up having no memory of falling asleep. Jake is at his side snoring quietly. He places a soft kiss on the other's head. Jake stirs a bit, but doesn't wake. The blonde lays listening to the silent sounds of the house and Jake's even breathing. 

His mind begins to drift to things other than the man laying next to him. He begins to think about his family. More specifically, his brother. Having not spoken to Dave in years, the only reason that he knows he is still alive is because of the Roxy who he spoke to once or twice a year. 

His brother and he used to be pretty close. Before... the incident. Dirk used to challenge Dave to strifes and rap battles, Dave never won. He smiled fondly at the memory, he may never see his brother again, but he had accepted this long ago. Sometimes he missed his family, but he never considered calling, they had disowned him. 

Dirk was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of the door opening. Looking up, he sees Roxy standing in the doorway, watching them. 

"Hey," she says, her voice barely above a whisper, "I think you might want to see this." She turns to leave, not checkin to see if he is following. The Strider stands up, mindful not to disrupt the sleeping man beside him, and quietly follows.

"What is it?" he asks quietly as the walk down the short hallway to the small TV room. 

"Something you will want to see," she says vaguely. She turns to the TV and turns it on to a news station. 

"What are you showing me?" he asks impatiently. 

"It was on early this morning so it should repeat soon," she mutters.

"What should repeat?" he demands looking away from the report on the Ukraine or something.

"This," Roxy says pointing at the screen. Looking back at the screen, his eyes widen. 

"Is that-" he starts.

"Yes that's how I knew who he was," she cuts him off, "he's been all over the news."

"Local Priest Sins And Departs, Siding With The Devil" The TV says.

"'Siding With The Devil?'" he asks in amusement. "Do these people have nothing better to do than to sit around and come up with awful headlines?"

"The headlines mean nothing," Roxy says chuckling,"It's the actual program that has people in an uproar."

"Uproar?" he questions skeptical.

"Yes," she says, gesturing to the TV where a camera has been placed outside of the church. A crowd of people had formed with signs depicting hate to the former priest. 

"Woah," Dirk breathes out. What were these people doing? Jake was long gone from that church. "Why do they even care?"

"The news said that they think he is plotting against them, although I just think they are mad that somebody did something like that right under their nose," she says matter-of-factly.

"You know," he says looking at her, "you can really tell that you and Rose are related sometimes."

"I guess," she sounds a bit wary as she says it, thinking of something other than the way they talk.

"Speaking of which," he says curiously upon seeing the look on his cousin's face, "where is she?"

Roxy shrugs, "Out?" It may not have been clear to many other people, but to her closest friend and cousin, her lie was transparent. 

"Roxy, what's happening to her? I saw her the other day that the bar," Dirk tries his best to sound comforting, but it comes out harsh. He had not wanted to think about how screwed everything about his family was. All Roxy does is shrug.

"It's late, we should get to sleep," she says breaking a long draw out silence that seemed to stretch between the two. Dirk nods and stands up. They stand looking at eachother for a moment before he pats her arm in a way meant to comfort her and turns to walk away. 

Laying down next to Jake, he let's his mind wandered again. Soon enough, he drifts off into a fitful sleep, filled with dreams and memories that he has buried so deeply all of those years ago.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, Dirk awakes to find that Jake is already up and nowhere to be seen. Standing up, he gets dressed quickly and leaves the room. Hushed voices seem to echo through the house.

He makes his way down the hall and to the kitchen, where the voices are coming from. Jake and Roxy sit across from each other talking. 

"And you think..." he trails off, a distant look.

"I think that if they don't already know that you are here," she says certainly, "they will find out soon." He shakes his head slowly. 

"I don't understand," he says quietly, "why do they care?" He continues to slowly shakes his head, as if his denial will make it go away. 

"I could easily be that they are mad at themselves for not seeing it and are taking it out on you," a touch of comfort in her voice. Dirk moves over a couple inches into the darkness that surrounds the outside of the door so he can see but cannot be seen. 

"I do not want to be a burden," Jake looks up at Roxy with an apologetic look. "I can leave if-"

"No," she says cutting him off, "You are not a burden, stay as long as you need." He nods, giving her a thankful look.

"Thank you," his voice remains quiet. Seeing that the conversation probably won't progress much further, Dirk comes out of the shadows and steps through the door.

"I see you two are socializing," he says with a yawn, pretending like he had not been eavesdropping. Jake looks up at him and his lips turn up slightly in a smile. 

"I was just telling Jake about the news," Roxy says, giving Dirk a look saying that she knew he was listening in even if Jake didn't. Jake's small smile turns into a frown and he cast his eyes to the table, where his hands were folded in front of him. Dirk sits down next to him and places a comforting hand on his. The dark-haired man doesn't look up at the other. 

"And?" the blond directs his question at Roxy, not taking his eyes off of the younger.

"And," she says looking between the two, "I said that they are already pretty upset, they are bound to find where he is eventually. When that happens, I don't think that it would be very wise if you..." she gestures between the two. Jake, not looking up, pulls his hands from under Dirk's, letting them fall into his lap. Dirk clasps his hands in front of himself, training his eyes upon Roxy. 

"A bunch of catholics," he says with an amused smile, "what's the worst they could do?"

"Anybody can do anything in the right situation," Jake says quietly. "I should know." All amusement vanishes from Dirk's face as he looks at the other for a moment before looking back at Roxy. Roxy leans back in her chair crossing her arms, and tilts her head toward Jake, not taking her eyes off of Dirk. He gives her a weary look before standing up and leaving the kitchen. 

The pink-eyed girl looks at the man still sitting at her table before standing and retreating back into the house leaving him staring down at the table alone. The emerald-eyed man presses his forehead to his hands. He didn't know what they were going to do, but he didn't want to think about it. All he know was that it would probably not be good. He didn't want to think about it, but he knew that he had to come up with a way so that they would hurt the least amount of people. 

Sighing, he doesn't move. He didn't want to move, he wanted to stay alone forever, at least that way nobody would get hurt. He also doesn't want to be alone, he wants to be with Dirk. He felt like, when they were together anything could happen, nobody could tell them not and nobody could hurt them, but he knew none of this was true. 

Looking out the small kitchen window, he sees the quiet Sunday morning streets. Nobody would be coming today. He leans back, watching the birds fly past and the small children play on the street, and his mind begins to wander. A small, sad smile creases his face as he thinks back to his own childhood, before the incident. A voice in his mind kept asking if his little sister ever missed him, if she even remembered him. He ignored it, it was better this way, he repeated to himself, I won't be able to hurt her again. 

He remembered every detail clearly, exactly of what happened. He had been playing with his double pistols, hunting small creatures he found and blowing them away like Lara Croft, from Tomb Raider, one of his favorite movies. He was walking back, holding his things, and he didn't see her laying down in the tall grass. She didn't hear him either; she was watching some show. Squidles, he remembers. He had tripped over her, dropping everything. His gun went off and grazed her head. He had to carry her back to his house. That was when they decided he needed more discipline.

She probably doesn't even remember how she got that scar. He puts his head down, closing his eyes tightly. He feels a hand on his shoulder, then someone squeezing him from behind, but he does not look up. Dirk kisses the top of his head, and Jake turns, putting his face in Dirk's shirt.

They stay that way for a long time, then go back to where Roxy was.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to post yesterday so here are 2 chapters. Tomorrow's update will be the final one. Thank you for being patient with me.

They had been at Roxy's for about a week when there was a knock at the door one day. Dirk opened it to find a dark haired boy with blue eyes. Standing next to him was somebody that the Strider never thought he would see again. His brother. Behind them was a timid looking girl with long, black hair and bright green eyes. 

“Dave,” he says. His brother nods at him, not saying anything and keeping a straight face. The smaller, black haired boy standing next to him spoke up.

“Roxy called us,” he says brightly.

As if hearing her name, the blonde woman comes over to stand behind Dirk. "I didn't know you'd be coming so soon!" She smiles, pulling the younger Strider inside. Dirk notices how his brother and the other boy were holding hands. He looks up at Dave as Roxy pulls him forward.

“Dave,” she says, “how long has it been since you’ve seen your brother? You could at least talk to him!” she sounds slightly annoyed by the younger boy.

Dave takes off his sunglasses, revealing his red eyes. Dirk takes off his too, staring at his little brother. The younger blond surges forward suddenly, hugging his older sibling. "Why did you leave, bro?" the red eyed boy asks as he buries his face in Dirk's shirt.

He didn’t want to explain to him why he left. In Dirk’s mind, his bro was still just the little 13 year old kid he had been when he left. 

So he says nothing, just embraces the younger sibling he never thought he'd see again. Eventually, he pulls away, wiping his eyes a little then gesturing towards the other two people. "So who are they, huh?" he says with a shaky smile.

“Uh,” Dave gestures to the black haired boy, “This is my boyfriend John and his cousin Jade.” John smiles and waves energetically while Jade waves a bit shyly.

Dirk stands for a moment, not registering what was said, then nods. Stepping forward to shake John's hand, he says, "It is very good to meet you." The orange eyed man sincerely means it, too. If our parents couldn't accept gay people then I am going to make goddamn sure my brother knows I support him and whoever he's dating.

John smiles happily, “Dave speaks highly of you.” He stops speaking for a moment, his brows knit in confusion, “Although, he also says that you just left one night and he hasn’t heard from you since.” The older Strider nods his head, he was not going to talk about why he left, not in front of Dave. His younger brother may be 20 but that doesn’t mean that he still wasn’t the little kid that used to run to him after he got hurt. 

Just then, Jake walks out, rubbing his head a little bit. "What's the commotion, Dir--" He cuts off, seeing the group of people. He stands still, looking slightly like a deer caught in headlights.

“J--” He covers his mouth, not wanting to believe what he was seeing. “Jade,” he says quietly. He was so sure that he would never see his little sister again, and here she was. So sure that he didn’t want to see his little sister again, he wanted to turn and run. To get as far from her as possible so that nothing bad could happen. Nothing bad would happen to her if he wasn’t around, it couldn’t.

Jade, not recognizing him, looks startled. "How do you know my--" Her eyes widen. "You-- you're dead. Mom and dad told me--" She covers her mouth with her hands, letting tears fall freely from her pretty, green eyes.

John steps over and places a comforting hand on her shoulder, looking between the two. He had never personally met Jake before everything happened, but from everything that has been said about him, he was a bit wary to go any closer. 

Jake whimpers, then turns away, quickly walking back to Dirk's and his room. The older Strider stares at the younger kids for a moment, then goes after his boyfriend.

Knocking lightly on the door, he pushes it open and sees Jake sitting on their bed crying quietly. Sitting down beside him, he places a hand on his back in an attempt to soothe him. “What’s wrong?” asks the blonde. “Is she the sister you were talking about?”

Jake nods, rubbing his face. "She-- I hurt her, Dirk. She-- my whole family hates me." The younger man clutches Dirk as if he were a life preserver.

The older man rubs Jake’s back soothingly, cooing words of comfort softly. “She didn’t look like she hates you,” he says after a moment, “she just looked shocked.” When the green-eyed man doesn’t respond, he continues to just hug him, rubbing small comforting circles on his back.

"You have to face her sometime," Dirk says finally. "I'm going back out there. Are you?" Jake rises, clutching Dirk's arm like a small child. Together, they face their siblings.

John is still beside Jade, speaking in a low voice to her. Roxy is talking at Dave, who appears to not be listening. When the two emerge into the room, the speaking silences. John watches Jake guardedly while Jade looks at him like she just saw a ghost, which some might argue that she had. Dave looks relieved to see that his brother had not run off again.

“Jade,” Jake starts, taking a step forward, “I--” She shakes her head slowly, moving closer to John.

“You’re dead,” she repeats quietly to herself. “How can you be here? You’re dead.” Jake doesn’t say anything more, just stands watching her.

Dave, confused, goes to stand by John. "What do you mean?" He turns to Dirk, hoping for an answer. "What does she mean, bro?"

The older Strider nudges Jake forward a little bit. The dark haired man whispers "Jade, I'm sorry, I didn't want to-- they sent me away, and after I--" he stops, putting his head down.

Jade watches him, no signs of understanding in her face. Shock still very present. John takes a small, protective step forward. “Why did you leave her," he growls, "and not at least call her, or write to her, to let her know that you were still alive?"

Jake takes a deep breath. "Our parents sent me away, a long time ago, and they said 'You are dead to me' so I figured you-- you'd never forgive me. Hell, I--" he laughs a little, the broken sound hurting Dirk's ears, "I never forgave myself, why should you?"

No recognition or understanding crosses her face as she continues to watch him. “They said,” she stops. The others watch the two, not speaking. "They said," her voice is low and emotional, "that you shot me, and beat me on purpose and I can't--" She bites her hand, turning towards John.

John pulls her into a hug, shielding her from Jake. Jake stands staring at her in shock for a moment before shaking his head. “I didn’t,” he starts, “I didn’t--” He stops. He did do that, but not on purpose. No intention to hurt her ever even crossed his mind. Finally, he tells her what really happened. "I tripped and my gun went off-- you were asleep and I didn't see you and it hit you and I carried you home. Jade, I'm sorry, it was an accident and I didn't-- I would never hurt you on purpose. I love you; you're my sister." He opens his arms slightly, a hopeful expression on his face.

Jade doesn’t move for a moment, watching his face, searching for any sign that he is lying. She moved forward slowly and fell into the hug, pressing her face into his chest. He pulled her against him. “I missed you,” he says quietly. John watches quietly, still not completely trusting him.

Dave lays a hand on John's shoulder, saying quietly "If my bro trusts him, I do too." The dark haired man smiles and kisses Dave on the cheek, then watches his cousins embrace, all air of distress gone.

Roxy finally speaks up and says, “Looks like I have accomplished more than intended.” She smiles and turns to walk out of the room and asks over her shoulder, “Would anybody like some tea?” 

Dave, speaking for everyone, says "Hella." Roxy winks and come back moments later with 6 cups of tea and a small plate of cookies. 

So the small group sits down and sips tea, and every one of them, in that moment, are content with their lives.


	9. Chapter 9

One morning, Dirk wakes up to loud noises from outside Roxy's house. He opens his window, glancing down to see about 50 angry people holding signs like "God hates fags" and "no gays in church" and similar slogans. 

Dirk Strider groans, hitting his forehead. He runs to the living room where Roxy is seated on a couch with headphones in so loud he could hear the music from the other end of the room. 

He goes up to her and pulls one of them out. “What’s going on outside?” he asks. 

“I would assume,” she says snatching the headphone back, “something to do with your boyfriend.” She looks at him in such a way that he can tell the people have been here a while and she is sick of them. The Strider groans and walks back to his shared bedroom and looks out the window. It seems that the people are increasing in numbers every second. 

He walks over to where Jake is laying. "I'll be back soon, love," he murmurs, then throws on shoes and dashes outside.

The crowd jeers him the moment he steps foot outside Roxy's home. He attempts to push through, but someone punches him and he ends up with a bloody nose. "You pick on an innocent man," he yells, "a better man than all of you combined. And you dare to insult him?" No one says anything to Dirk in particular, just begins to cheer hatred louder.

The Strider cuts across the neighbor's lawn, then continues to the police station.

* * * * * 

When he enters, the first thing he notices is the television portraying the mob outside Roxy's house. Dirk marches up to the desk, slamming his palms down. "I'd like to file a complaint," he says through clenched teeth.

"What is it." The man behind the desk is distracted by the riot.

"That's my residence they're picketing. They are not protesting peacefully, and they're disrupting the peace."

The man turns towards Dirk now, smirking. "What do ya want me to do? I can't get nobody who would calm them lot down."

Angrily, Dirk retaliates "It is your job to--" He stops as the man stands.

"My job is to deal with people who break laws. Ain't nobody," he gestures towards the screen, "messing with that."

Dirk turns and storms out, running all the way back to Roxy's.

When he got back, the crowd had grown to double the size it had been before. To avoid the angry rioters, he went around to the back of the house and entered through there. Upon entering the back door into the kitchen he sees that Jake is awake and sitting at the table.

Jake looks up when he hears the door open and comes over, hugging the other. The blonde man hugs the other before pulling away slightly. 

“Have they done anything?” he asks looking around then back at Jake. He shakes his head.

“Other than upsetting Roxy, no,” the green eyed man says. The other nods and goes out to see Roxy sitting on the couch with a dark expression on her face and her arms crossed, still listening to music loudly. He sighs and walks out of the room and back to their bedroom. 

Outside the crowd seems to be getting more and more restless. Dirk sits on the bed half watching, half zoning out. Soon enough, the faint smell of smoke tints the air. Nothing else registers in the blondes brain as he makes his way to the window, only to see large torches being thrown against the house. Quickly as possible, he ran down the stairs to find that the cloud of smoke was getting thicker. Roxy had gotten up from the couch and was running to the nearest exit while simultaneously pulling out her phone to call 911. Jake sat at the table, staring at the smoke, not moving.

Running over to him, Dirk grabbed his hand and began pulling him gently. “Jake, we have to go,” he says gently. Jake continues to sit, nonresponsive. 

“They are doing this,” he says finally, “because of me.” His eyes glisten with unshed tears. “They are burning down a house,” he is cut off by a sob. 

“Come on,” Dirk says. “We can talk about this later.” He gently pulls on the other’s arm again, urging him to come. 

“No,” he yanks his arm away. “Let me stay here. They will kill me if I leave and I will die if I stay, I would prefer them not to kill me.”

“They are killing you either w--” he begins to cough as the cloud of smoke thickens. Tears stream from the other’s eyes as he continues to stare straight ahead into the thickening smoke. Dirk goes over and wets two washcloths, using one to cover his mouth and the other to cover Jake’s. Jake throws the cloth to the ground. 

“Jake,” the other pleads, “please!”

“No,” he says softly, “no. They want me dead, they will get me dead.”

“This is stupid!” Dirk shouts, grabbing the other and standing him up. “I am not about to let you die in a fire because you think that you ‘deserve to die’” He begins to drag Jake behind him to the door. Smacking his arm away he goes back to the table.

“Let me die,” he says. “If it is what they want so much, let them have it.” He begins to cough and looks faint. The cloud has thickened to the point of near darkness.

“I will not let you die because I don’t care what they want!” Dirk is on the verge of hysteria as he tries to get the other to follow. 

“No,” he say through coughs. “No,” he says again weakly. Dirk goes over to him and again attempts to bring him along only to be pushed away once more. “No,” he keeps repeating weakly through coughing fits. His eyes droop to only halfway open and he weakens.

"Jake, I can't just--" His voice cracks, alarming the other man. "I love you, Jake." 

“I--” he coughs again, “I love you too, Dirk.” He dissolves into a coughing and then falls back. Dirk, who is also coughing quite a bit, goes over to his side. Gather the younger man into his arms, he holds him close to his chest. The greens eyes that used to shine so brightly had dulled considerably but a smile creased his face. “Thank you,” he whispered. 

“No,” Dirk says through the tears and the coughs. The light fades from the beautiful green eyes and his entire body falls limp in the others arms. Dirk presses a kiss gently on Jake’s forehead, his entire body shaking from his sobs. “No,” he whispers, hugging the other’s body closer to his. 

Throat and eyes burning, he doesn’t leave his place on the floor even as he hears the sirens come closer and close. Even as he hears the shouts of the firemen outside of the house. Everything feels like its moving in slow motion as the firemen run into the house and pull Dirk and Jake’s body out. Paramedics attend to Dirk who only watches as they put the body of his partner into a body bag. Everything else seems to fade as his body is zipped out of view in the black bag.

“I’m so sorry,” his strangled voice says quietly as the bag passes. The bag now filled with the once lively, now limp, body of the most amazing man he has ever met. A light, comforting hand is placed onto his shoulder. A soothing voice, familiar, speaks to him. He watches as the vehicle carrying the bag drives away. He watches as the rioters are arrested or run or have turned a sickly shade of white and puke. None of it seems real.

Sobs rack his entire body. Nothing else seems like it should be happening. His boyfriend had wanted to die because of these people. These cruel, heartless people. He had wanted to appease them, wanted them to see that he would die. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes but he couldn’t get the image of the life draining from his body. The almost elegant transition from living to dead. They had done this to him.

The only thoughts that echoed in his brains were those. They had done this to him. They had made him suffer enough to make him want to do this. They were the cause. Screaming he punches the wall. The wall of his room, he had no memory of coming back here. The fire left little damage on the house, a fuzzy memory says. No damage other than a gaping hole right in the center of what used to be a heart. A dent forms in the wall, a hole only a fraction of the depth as the one in his being, and his knuckles ache from the impact. That doesn’t stop him from doing it again. He punches the wall, over and over, until finally all of his anger is depleted.

Falling back onto the bed he stared up at the ceiling. He was done crying. Crying would no longer do any good. All he wanted to do was make them feel like they had made him feel. No. He can’t do that. He wouldn’t approve. Roxy walked in carrying a tray of food. 

“You have to eat,” she says gently, setting the food beside his bed and glancing at the wall.

“I have no appetite,” he say in a monotone voice, no emotion behind any of his words. She sighs.

“It will get easier with time,” she says before walking out. It’s not a promise, a promise is a guarantee and Dirk knew that this feeling wasn’t going to go away anytime soon, if ever. 

Soon after, the broken Strider drifts off to sleep.

Jake stand in front of him, yet everytime he advances, the other moves back. He wears a bright smile and his green eyes sparkle. 

“Hello Dirk,” he says politely, his voice monotone. Absent of all happiness present on his face. 

“Jake,” his voice cracks. The other shows no sign of noticing, nor any signs of recognition beyond his name. For the first time since they met, Dirk sees him the way that he saw him when they first met. Perfect and beautiful. Completely beyond his reach.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment if you liked it, we've been working very hard on this so your feedback means a lot, especially since we were unsure if this was any good
> 
> UPDATE: I wrote this a loooong time ago. If anyone is interested in seeing some new, more recent works we may be making a joint account to post more. However, we've expanded fandoms quite a bit since writing this so if there's anything you'd like to read and I mean anything no matter the fandom or ship please let us know and we'll try to make it happen. Thank you for your support, even though looking back I would've changed a lot, and I hope you give us inspiration to write more! If we do get a new account I will post it asap.


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